Rogue River Family Harassed By Stranger

Incident happened over a flag

 

Pictured above is Charles Messimer, who harassed a Rogue River family about their pride flag. The incident happed on May 17 and was caught on video. Pictures courtesy of Jessica VanDerslice.

Pictures of Charles Jake Messimer at the August 29, 2020 BLM Rally held in Rogue River.

By Brad Smith

ROGUE RIVER, Ore. – A man enraged at the thought of his culture destroyed – by Black Lives Matter, Antifa, the LGBTQ+ community and others – verbally harassed a Rogue River family for having a gay pride flag.

On May 17, at around 4:18 p.m., Charles Messimer was so enraged by a rainbow gay pride flag displayed at a house that he stopped his car, got out and walked into the driveway of Jessica VanDerslice’s home, one she shares with their partner, David Angel Zavala, and their children. The brief exchange between VanDerslice and Messimer was caught on a Ring camera.

“Can I help you?”

On the recording, Messimer cleared his throat and asked, rather gruffly, “What makes you guys think it's right to fly that flag in a conservative town?”

VanDerslice responded that it was her right, adding that if Messimer – someone they had never met before – didn’t leave, the police would be called.

“Call them all you want,” he said calmly. “It’s not acceptable anymore.”

As Messimer left, VanDerslice used her mobile phone to video him as he said the flag represented a “disgusting agenda.”

VanDerslice posted the videos and some pictures of Messimer on their Facebook, their friends soon sharing it as well; one of those friends sent the links to me. I posted the videos as well and, thanks to our mutual friend, had an email exchange with VanDerslice.

VanDerslice and their family lost their Phoenix home during the 2020 Almeda Fire. They said the family lived in hotels for about a month after the fire.

“We found this house and fell in love with the beautiful, quiet community,” VanDerslice told me. “It felt like a place we could heal from losing everything, a place to rest for us and our traumatized children.”

The incident with Messimer reminded them of problems that still exist here in the Rogue Valley area.

“I have faced bigotry before, having slurs yelled at me,” VanDerslice said. “Being an out pansexual openly dating women in the Midwest drew some ire – but I’ve never experienced something like this. As a mixed-race family, we have also dealt with some bigotry there and David has certainly gotten the brunt of that as a Mexican man living in this valley.”

Frustrated, VanDerslice posted to a Rogue River Facebook group.

To VanDerslice and Zavala’s dismay, some people defended Messimer’s actions.

Some of the comments included:

Braeden Michael

Move back to California if you're feelings get hurt that much from someone engaging in conversation.

 

Presley Tiger 

yeah on her property asking questions, very calmly I might add, don't know about all you Californians but going to someone's door to talk out disagreements is how it works in that small town. The guy was very respectful and frankly had every right to ask questions as he is a contributing member of the community as well. It's hilarious to me that y'all can harass, name call, and play the blame game with conservatives in the community but the moment we question your actions, you all of a sudden feel "intimidated". GROW UP. If you are gonna fly controversial flags in a small community be be ready to take the heat just like us conservatives do. That's all.

 

Khara Tiger

Looks like in your gf video, she approached him through the door, if she was scared or felt threatened wouldn't she have not came outside to greet him? He wasn't yelling at all that I heard, and he didn't even park in your driveway. To me he was calm about the situation he was expressing his thoughts about your flag just as you express your thoughts by flying it.

“It was a lot, just dealing with the emotional fallout of course and watching other members of our community standing behind this man made it feel even worse,” VanDerslice says. “Some people dismiss the experience and called flying the pride flag ‘controversial’ which I don’t even understand. It’s upsetting to find that this new community we’ve been building for ourselves post-fire is so full of hate towards us.

“It (made) me feel like I’m just being soft or sensitive when I literally had to deal with hate speech in front of my children on my own property. It’s unfortunate how normalized bigotry is here. My partner is Mexican and I’m sure that doesn’t help either. A mixed-race queer family in their white nationalist conservative community? Shocking!”

However, a number of Rogue River residents leapt to the family’s defense and denounced the blatant display of bigotry. Some offered to show up – armed – if there was more trouble.

“Just call me,” one person commented. “We have enough firepower to occupy Monaco. We’ll be there in a few minutes.”

Others offered to buy more pride flags and signs for the family’s home. Others were working to identify Messimer – whose identity was still unknown at the time.

VanDerslice found solace in those comments and offers.

“I’m so appreciative of the love and support of the part of the community that doesn’t hate us – and don’t want us gone. We’ve posted some signs and will display more flags. We refuse to be run out of town or silenced – and if our flags help a single person not feel alone, it’s worth it.”

VanDerslice said their family “is quiet and tend to keep to themselves.”

“We have yet to meet any of our neighbors. I had a heart attack at the beginning of last year,” they said.  “A community member, Ken Hart, reached out and brought us a care package, easy to prepare food and a blood pressure cuff I needed. We were immensely grateful to have someone in the community reaching out to us.”

They contacted the Rogue River Police Dept. and an officer took a report, as well as copies of the videos and photos. VanDerslice was told night patrols would be increased in the neighborhood.

“I absolutely believe that this was a hate crime, one with great potential for escalation,” VanDerslice said. “Between entering my property armed, yelling at me to ‘get out of Rogue River’ and then the threats over the phone, I think it’s clear this is a hate crime. The police say he didn’t do anything wrong in the original incident but that I could have him trespassed if I could identify him. I am still working with them in the hopes that they will help protect us.

“The first officer I spoke with did sympathize with me and apologized for the community, but also said there wasn’t much he could do – which was frustrating.”

On Friday morning, I received a few anonymous leads regarding VanDerslice’s harasser. Following up on them, I found a business listing under the name of Charles J. Messimer. There was a phone number . . . so, I dialed it up.

“This is Charles.”

Now, I’d listened to the videos several times and I recognized the voice. Still unsure, I told him who I was and asked what he’d be doing that Wednesday afternoon. Instantly, he asked why I had an Antifa symbol on my profile. I guess he found an old profile picture. As I tried to ask a question, he talked over me, saying:

“I want you guys to know. You will not make it out of this. You will not bring your toxicity into our community. I will make sure you guys do not thrive here.”

Messimer was the man who harassed VanDerslice and their family.

It didn’t take long for Messimer’s identity to go viral. A Google page for his business got hit with negative reviews – some calling out his bullying behavior. Which led to another phone call from him. It was similar to the earlier conversation but Messimer went into more detail about how he believed his culture was under assault from Black Lives Matter and Antifa, who were godless Marxists and socialists. The LGBTQ+ community were a threat to children and have “a disgusting agenda,” as he said to VanDerslice.

Messimer’s words, as he soon found out, would haunt him.

His Google-hosted business page was hit with negative reviews – some of them calling out his actions and behavior towards VanDerslice and their family. In at least one social media comment, someone stated that they had work done by Messimer; however, due to what had happened, cancelled future work orders with him.

By sometime Saturday, Messimer’s page was shut down.

“It’s a relief to know who this bigot is, especially as it meant I was able to have him officially trespassed from my property,” VanDerslice said. “I don’t believe it will stop him from escalating, especially after his threats to us and statements that we ‘would not make it out of this’. I fear for my family, I fear for my children. I fear retaliation not just from him but from other members of the community who continue to support him, people who call a flag dedicated to love a ‘controversial symbol.’”

VanDerslice and their family have no plans on leaving Rogue River.

“We’re members of this community whether they want us here or not,” they said. “David was actually recognized at city hall while paying a bill and was handed an application for city council. We’ve always been activists for queer and trans rights and BLM, but this definitely pushes us to be even louder. I want bigots to know they are the ones not welcome here, and more importantly, I want all our LGBTQ+ citizens to feel safer and have more community. 

“We will not back down. We're installing new cameras; we placed a no trespassing sign and we plan on many more rainbows to come.”

How safe is the Rogue Valley's LGBTQ community?

As the hate group RV Saltshakers and other bigots step up their protests and attacks, some in the LGBTQ community are seeing an increase in harassment and intolerance

By Brad Smith

JACKSON COUNTY, Ore – Tyler should be a happy young man: He loves his home, loves his job and is deeply in love with someone.

He should feel safe – but doesn’t.

“There are times when I’m out in public, I feel like something bad could happen,” he said. “There are times when I feel so wary and uneasy, I can’t allow myself to relax or have fun.”

Tyler is gay. Openly gay. For him and others who belong to the LGBTQ community here in southern Oregon, it’s not a very easy thing to be. “I knew who I was early on. I just knew,” he said. “I accepted it and was fine with who I am. However, many in my family didn’t handle that very well. There was a lot of hostility and religious indoctrination. It was for me, emotionally, very brutal. I’m still coping with PTSD from that time of my life.”

According to studies published by the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI), family rejection is strongly associated with mental health problems and suicidality, substance use, and sexual risk. Not surprisingly, parental rejection is linked to increased depression, suicidality and substance use among LGBTQ youth.

The research also states:

“It is important to note that those LGBTQ youth who do perceive strong support from their families tend to have better mental health and lower risk of substance abuse and – to a lesser extent -- sexual risk behaviors. The presence of parental support in the lives of LGBTQ youth indicates that parents and their children were resilient in the face of coming to terms with the teen's LGBTQ identity, which is often a significant stressor for both parents and teens.”

That wasn’t the case for Tyler.

“I’ve become the black sheep of the family,” he said with a laugh. “Some relationships with my family have been very strained and show no signs of changing. However, things have gotten better with other family members. It’s been a slow process but it’s progress nonetheless.”

Over the past year, he has found love.

“Meeting Eli is the best thing in my life. I love my job and I do have friends – but there was something else missing. That was Eli. Having them in my life made all the difference. However, there was a slight problem. Well, it was a problem for my family when they learned Eli is Black.”

It didn’t go well. Tyler said some of his family were “very outraged” upon learning Eli was Black. There was angry outbursts or tense, judgmental silence.

“I guess they felt that I’d gone out of my way to piss them off,” he said. “It’s upsetting because it seems that no matter what I do, or who I am, they’re not happy and they want to make me feel miserable.”

Eli’s family is unaware of the relationship.

“Based on what we experienced with my family,” Tyler said, “Eli and I are taking a more careful approach. It’s frustrating for us but it’s what we have to do.”

Eli, Tyler added, has been dealing with prejudice as well.

“It’s like this: We’ll be walking down the street and a white person gets out of their car. They look at Eli, stop, turn around and lock the doors. Sometimes, they don’t hide their fear and hate. You can clearly see it on their faces. It makes me sick.”

There have been times when Eli visited Tyler, as they drive through the neighborhood, someone stopped them and demanded why they’re in the neighborhood or who they’re seeing in the area.

“People have used their big pickup trucks to block Eli’s car and then comes the shouting, the threats,” Tyler said. “Or people will be on the sidewalks or in their yards, yelling and screaming at him. In my neighborhood, there are more than a few Trump signs or flags, Blue Lives Matter signs or Confederate flags.”

Tyler said that he and Eli have talked about moving elsewhere.

“We’re looking at Talent or Ashland,” he said. “Someplace where we’ll feel relaxed and safe. Safer, I should say. We don’t want to leave the area; this is our home and we do love it here. I don’t want to do that.”

Tyler and Eli aren’t the only ones who feel unsafe in southern Oregon.

A few years ago, the LGBTQ+ Community Survey was developed by the steering committee of the LGBTQ+ Listening Project – a group of queer and trans folks in Jackson and Josephine Counties in southwestern Oregon who came together with the leadership of Rory Meza in 2019.

The survey’s aim was to learn more about the needs of the LGBTQ+ community and the resources available in southern Oregon region. It was developed between February and June 2020, released in July 2020 and remained open until Oct. 31, 2020.

According to the survey information, more than 550 people responded. Reading the survey, it was troubling to learn that over 86 percent of those who answered felt “like they need to leave the area to live a good life.”

Here are some of the comments:

·         “Many people tell me I need to move to Portland or Eugene to feel more welcome.”

·         “Grants Pass is a very hard and dangerous place for non-straight, non-white people to exist and it's hard to get the money saved to move away due to unlivable wages, especially for non-white people.”

·         “My transfemme friend is about to move away, and another transwoman in the community also left for Baker City. She carries a gun because she never feels safe here. I think queer folks here are incredibly resilient and interesting and I would like our stories to be more known without putting anyone at risk.”

·         “This area is an absolutely beautiful place to live, but the “open mindedness” extends only as far as white supremacy and privilege has shown through experience. You can’t meditate away oppression. People here are completely unaware of the BLM movement and revolution needing to continue happening throughout our country and the world, and people here (as a generalization) are completely ignorant to queer history and culture.”

·         “Thanks for trying. I moved here from California because I couldn't afford to live there anymore and it's been a pretty depressing transition, having such a toxic atmosphere to try and survive in. I hope it gets better.”

·         “Recent protests have brought out alt-right white men with their guns. I don't feel safe at all anymore. Can't imagine what QPOC people feel right now.”

·         “I moved here for my ex’s job and got stuck here. I’ve been wanting to get out every day since. Having a community would make a big difference in feeling like this place was even somewhat politically acceptable.”

But there was more troubling data, several indications on how serious of a problem southern Oregon has with bigotry and harassment.

• 77 percent of people reported “feeling like you have to move out of the area to meet your needs or live a good life” at least once. 47 percent of people reported feeling this way frequently or somewhat frequently.
• 80 percent of people reported “feeling unwelcome at a public event or in a public space because of your sexuality, gender or appearance” at least once. 32 percent of people reported feeling this way frequently or somewhat frequently.
• 73 percent of people reported “harassment or bullying because of your sexuality, gender or appearance.” 25 percent of people reported feeling this way frequently or somewhat frequently.
• 83 percent of people reported “feeling you need to hide or change your sexuality, gender, or appearance to avoid harassment or discrimination” at least once. 42 percent of people reported feeling this way frequently or somewhat frequently.
• 32 percent of people reported “being targeted, harassed, or treated with unnecessary force by police because of your sexuality, gender or appearance” at least once. 9 percent of people reported having this experience frequently or somewhat frequently.
• 45 percent of people reported “being threatened with or experiencing physical violence because of your sexuality, gender or appearance.” 12 percent of people having this experience frequently or somewhat frequently.

Little over a month ago, Tyler said he “felt being under pressure and depressed.”

He voluntarily checked himself into a hospital for a 72-hour mental health evaluation. During that time, Tyler said he was able to “sort things out” and think about his life.

“I’m glad I did that, I needed to do that,” he said. “I felt on the edge and needed to get help. It was scary but Eli and a few other friends were there for me. They helped pull me back from the edge. I’m very fortunate. Some aren’t that fortunate.”

It’s a sad, sobering reality. According to the Trevor Project, suicide is a serious problem within the LGBTQ community, especially among younger people.

Here are the facts:

• Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 10 to 24 (Hedegaard, Curtin, & Warner, 2018) – and lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and questioning (LGBTQ) youth are at significantly increased risk.
• LGBTQ youth are more than four times as likely to attempt suicide than their peers.
• The Trevor Project estimates that more than 1.8 million LGBTQ youth (13-24) seriously consider suicide each year in the U.S. – and at least one attempts suicide every 45 seconds.
• The Trevor Project’s 2021 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health found that 42 percent of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, including more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth. 

It's a lot of information to absorb but that’s the seriousness of the problem. Tyler realized how dangerously close he was to having an emotional breakdown or even suicide. He had a loving partner and a network of close, personal friends who cared for him.

Some aren’t that lucky.

“Have things gotten better? Yeah, some progress has been made. Some,” Tyler said. “But it can always get better. And there’s a lot of uncertainty – especially here. We have a lot of hateful people here in the valley and I worry more will join them. As I said before. Eli and I don’t feel safe here.”

As of this writing, the two plan to move. Ashland or Talent are looking like safe places for them. They’ve even talked about Portland. However, Tyler said the last few times he and Eli were in Ashland, they were met with “unfriendly stares” from people on the streets or in restaurants.

“It was a very unpleasant vibe. Shocking, too. Maybe Ashland isn’t safe, not anymore. Are we safe anywhere? The thing is, I was born here,” Tyler said. “This is my home and the thought of me being forced out of my hometown really pisses me off. I want Eli and I to be safe and happy. That’s all I want for us.

“Is that too much to ask for?”

Those seeking help or question can contact the Rogue Action Center here.

For more information about the survey:

Rogue Action Center LGBTQ+ Community Survey